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Posts Tagged ‘terror’

A-Phooey

I was mugged last week. I never saw it coming.

My attacker, I should point out, was not human or animal but rather viral in nature. It delivered a one-two punch to the lower abdoman while I sat in a coffee shop working, on this very blog and sipping a large cup of decaf. “Ah-ha,” I thought, “this coffee’s too strong.” That was my last clear memory before doubling over as the blows from the unseen assailant kept coming. Staggering out of cafe, I made it to my car and drove home, where I washed down a Zantac with some of that stuff that’s supposed to coat your stomach. I managed to get a leash on the dog and get out, wherupon I doubled over again, causing my neighbor, also out walking her dog, to ask if she could help. “Gas,” I gasped and stumbled back to the house with the puzzled pooch.

The next 24 hours were a blur but I know they involved a couch, a bed, a blanket, an anxious dog, the kind ministrations of a family member and frequent visits to the bathroom.  What they did not involve were food or rest. My stomach, a sensitive sort on the best of occasions, took the worst of it. My throat didn’t do so well and I actually bruised a rib, thanks to…oh, I think you can figure it out. Clearly, this had been a particularly viscious assault.

There are lots of tips about surviving flu season although apparently none of them include warnings about when the damn thing starts. While it’s true I procrastinate every year, I generally end up getting a flu shot sometime in mid-November. The shots do not prevent flu but they soften the blow. At least they have in years past, where I remember mild discomfort if anything at all but nothing like this.

The flu is going around, my friends have told me. Why so many incidents so early is probably the subject of a separate debate. Was the unusually warm autumn – a breeding ground for viruses and how does global warming factor in? Are there new drug-resistant strains out there entering the US along with all sorts of tainted products and people that make it past porous ports, bungling bureacracies and bantamweight border patrols? Could this all be part of a plot to weaken us, foisted upon a complacent populace by this or that organization or cell or nepharious group bent on world domination? See, lots to think about it, once you get past the nausea and pain. But since it’s impossible to think when you feel like utter crap, my advice is to turn off the news, turn down the light and go with the flow because, for a brief period of time, you are at the mercy of a tiny terror.

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