Posts Tagged ‘slacker’

Make It Easy On Yourself

New Year’s resolutions: they’re irresistible. We make them, break them, flout, revile, or ridicule them but they are as ubiquitous a ritual as champagne on New Year’s Eve. The calendar and the clock conspire to awaken in us the promise not only of longer days and warmer weather but also of redemption: “This year, I will…”happyny

In the interest of providing comfort, ease and peace of mind to our friends, I have, with the help of several compatriots, compiled a list of resolutions most of us will not fail to achieve. Herewith, in 2011,  we resolve to:

1. get some sleep
In a nod to the insominiacs, we do not specify how much sleep we resolve to get nor add the burden of expectation that we will sleep every day (which also includes the party-goers among us).

2. eat
Here we define “eat” as taking sustenance in any form.

3. drink
Same thing.

4. turn head to the right
Anyone who drives will want to turn the head in order to back out of a tight space or engage in parallel parking. Those who don’t may have occasion to cross the street or glance back to make sure they’re not being followed.

5. smile
This is a bit more challenging. After some debate, allowances will be made for grimaces, smirks, tight-lipped half-smiles, and foolish or vaguely threatening grins.

6. look out a window
Even cellblocks have them, although they can be difficult to reach.

7.  leave the house wearing clothing
Any clothing is permissible; we wanted to allow for those of us who may shuffle out the door in our pj’s to get the paper. Anything after that is a matter of common sense, of course.

8. ignore someone
It’s going to happen anyway; might as well make it a resolution.

9. complain

10. spend time on one or more social networking sites
This really is a no-brainer.

Feel free to share your can’t-miss resolutions…and have a great entry into 2011.
image: photofurl


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