Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘comedy’

It’s official. New York/New Jersey will host the February 2014 Super Bowl in the new Meadowlands outdoor arena. Yes, it’s the first time a Super Bowl will be hosted in an outdoor stadium in the middle of winter but we New York and New Jersey people are a hardy bunch. Actually, we’re delirious about hosting the Super Bowl. We’ll be there, whether or not our beloved Giants and/or Jets are playing.

 fans   (Image courtesy NY Daily News)

Given the stadium cost a sweet 1.6 billion, I think more than a few of us might want to see where our money went. Yeah, I know it was mostly privately financed but enough of the cost came out of our pockets.  I’m just sayin’.

 global warming It’d be nice to imagine the 2013-29014 season will prove to be unusually temperate, thanks to global warming. Of course as those  very few who understand the concept realize, “global warming” doesn’t mean that each year the winters are necessarily warmer, although the average temperature is rising a few degrees each year. No, global warming simply means that whatever you’ve grown accustomed to in terms of weather, fuggettabout it! 

(image at http://science.howstuffworks.com/global-warming2.htm)

Like I said, we New Yorkers will be there come hell or high water–or several other possible weather scenarios–but for the other folks we might have to let into our stadium, here are some suggestions:

·         Snow: Stay warm with a smart Giants parka

GiantsCoat  

·         Rain: Don’t forget your Jets umbrellaumbrella

  • Ice: Have your ice scraper ready  

 

 ice scraper

  •   Hale:  You’ll feel like a real New York construction Yorker in these smart hats images
  • High winds: smart winter fans use bungee cords to stay in place: available in your team’s colors

 

bungee cords
  •   Tornadoes: this will involve a little setup, so leave yourself plenty of time before the game

 

  tornadoshelter

  •  Hurricanes: bring your own shutters to the game and hang on! (sorry, ours blew away)

 

stadium

  • Earthquakes: these are notoriously hard to predict in advance but if you have Super Bowl tickets, you probably have lots of   connections. Rent a blimp and get a bird’s eye view of the action

 

  • Volcanic  ash: breath easy with a simple face mask; available in Giants blue and Jets green. Also available with oxygen hookup

mask 

  • Locusts:  It’s an off year. You’ll be fine 

 

We hope these tips will help would be travels to the greatest stadium just outside the greatest city in the world in 2014. But know this: no matter what the weather, we’ll be there. You know what I’m talking about. 

Product information /image credits below   

http://www.womenswintercoats.org

  http://www.footballfanatics.com/NFL_New_York_Jets_Gameday_And_Tailgate_Rainwear http://www.products.sellstrom.comhttp://www.phoenixrope.com/elastic.html www.ingroundtornadoshelter.com/features.htmlhttp://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.rollingshuttershouston.com/images/hurricane.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.rollingshuttershouston.com/Service.html&usg=__qz3w2CCfwVKA5D-1xI27JZ4S0PI=&h=267&w=400&sz=23&hl=en&start=13&um=1&itbs=1&tbnid=DdmKFGkEPKTTbM:&tbnh=83&tbnw=124&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dhurricane%2Bprotection%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DG%26rlz%3D1G1GGLQ_ENUS358%26tbs%3Disch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2007/09/05/sports/05stadium.1.600.jpg&imgrefurl=http://forum.skyscraperpage.com/showthread.php%3Ft%3D137381&usg=__GSB30oMCkbfybgwCI6Or2lcLkGQ=&h=369&w=600&sz=163&hl=en&start=4&um=1&itbs=1&tbnid=cemSWIvZaQwAZM:&tbnh=83&tbnw=135&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dmeadowlands%2Bstadium%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26rlz%3D1G1GGLQ_ENUS358%26tbs%3Disch:1

Read Full Post »

By now everyone and their mother has heard about, read about, or seen Betty White’s star turn on “Saturday Night Live.” White, at 88 the oldest host the show has ever had, was recruited thanks to a huge fan movement on Facebook. Mission accomplished: White demonstrated why shn266442514828_8596e remains not just a show-business legend but a consummate performer with pitch perfect timing. 

In a night filled with the pleasures of seeing returning veterans like Cheri Oteri, Rachael Dratch, Ana Gasteyer, Maya Rudolph,Amy Poehlner, and Tina Fey, White more than held her own. The show tackled the age difference between the cast and its guest (about half a century or more) head-on in a way that was funny, yes, but also generous and even celebratory. The generation gap was nowhere in evidence; clearly bawdy humor knows no age restrictions. 

White’s skill as a television comedian isn’t a surprise, given her years of experience, some 56 years by her own account. But the excitement generated by her eighty-eight and a half year-old presence seemed to mean something more. Sure, Betty White is the grandmother (great-grandmother?) the audience probably wants. She’s also, in an age of heightened awareness of our own and our loved ones’ morality, the antithesis of the despair that old age represents. In the real world, there are wheelchairs and nursing homes, strokes and Alzheimers, isolation and depression; on “SNL” there is Betty White. Who among us would not be pulled in and held in a state of hopeful suspended animation by the thought of being half the active, engaged and thoroughly entertaining Ms. White deep into our ninth decade?

On the other hand, Betty White gave a kick-ass, thoroughly invested, totally funny performance. At any age, she is a television treasure. Rock on, Betty.

Read Full Post »

churchlady02 copyMy next door neighbor’s son Jason was crestfallen when he got the memo  from school about this year’s pc Halloween celebration: no vampires, no zombies, no monsters, no devils; no swords or stakes or axes or ropes or hockey masks with breathing holes. Forget the fake blood or the green slime or the dripping claws or the sticky cobwebs or the black goo or dressing like his horror film namesake. “Positive images only,” said the school memo, with helpful suggestions like “Winnie the Poo,  Cinderella, Tinkerbell, or Marley” (presumably  before his death scene). To make things worse, no weapons of any kind, even for the heroes. I understand school is supposed to be a safe place, but what’s a nine year old boy to do? vamp

I volunteered to brainstorm with the boy one afternoon, little suspecting that Jason had already assembled a list of potential figures he could impersonate.

I felt a kind of sickening dread as I scanned the list. My heart pounded against my ribcage as my breath caught in my throat. The sound of blood roared in my ears and for a moment I couldn’t see.

“How did you come up with these names?” I managed to whisper.

“Pretty good, right?” Jason asked slyly.

These are the list of possible Halloween costumes each and every one designed to strike fear into the hearts of most sane…adults.

The Financier Bernie Madoff       Madoff

The Balloon Boyballoon-boyjpg-f36e89c1e27f427f_large

an airline pilot with a laptop  pilotlaptop

Mark Sanford or Rod Blagojevich

Blago Sanford

Sarah Palin as an author or Kate Gosselin as a talk show host

Palin Gosselin

At the end of the day, Jason decided to go as a 401K plan.

Pretty scary.

Read Full Post »