We like to commemorate in the United States. Coming up, what I refer to as The-Anniversary-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named recalls a horrible event ten years ago when four planes, two towers, and several thousand lives were destroyed in an attack on U.S. soil. In the days that followed, we came together, focused not on hate and destruction (at least to my grief-stricken, New York-centric eyes) but on resilience and purpose.
Heartbreaking, isn’t it? Not that my husband or so many others were killed but that, ten years later, we’re farther apart than ever. Everyone has an opinion as to why that’s happened (everyone has an opinion on everything, freely spoken and easily distributed through the unfiltered megaphone that is the Internet). For me, the decade is captured (albeit in a simplified manner) in a letter I had published in the New York Times the other day in response to an article by Tom Friedman:
After my husband died on 9/11, I hoped the American public, which had come together in a spirit of resilience rather than one of anger, would resist the temptation to blame, to justify, to point fingers or to follow an “us versus them” scenario. Instead we’ve devolved into a selfish group of squabblers, ready to throw strangers under the bus and kick friends off the ladder. A small group sacrifices abroad while we dither about the endgame; here at home, we expect our neighbors to fend for themselves and our government to do its job without revenue. The list of enemies foreign and domestic grows longer; we trust no one. While I’m mindful that my husband may be more fairly called a victim than a hero, I am still saddened that his legacy and that of so many others might be tied to a period of profound civic retrenchment.
On my worst days, I’m tempted to blame everyone, including me for sitting at home and indulging in blame. I want to slap the collective citizenry across the face and yell, “Grow up! Stop fighting! Behave yourselves. No one is always right and no one is always perfect. We have to work together to get anything done. Get off your high horse and get to work!”
Honestly, I hate feeling angry as much as I hated feeling grief-stricken. That’s not who my husband was and it’s not who I am. And so I leave my friends, acquaintances and various readers with this rather hopeful thought, played out visually by a lovely dance troupe of children from Denver, CO who have channeled what we used to think of as the American spirit to produce a stunning montage. Sure, it’s sappy but deep down inside, I’m a sap.
1 Woman' s Vu by Nikki Stern 
Great message – from you as well as the dance group. Thank you for 10 years of keeping the focus on what we can do right, vs. what went wrong. shalom xo
Nikki, naturally I’ve been thinking of you these days, You keep a delicate balance, acknowledging grief and anger while advocating love and cooperation. This would be a far better world if more people followed your lead. I’ll be holding you in the light tomorrow.
Nikki,
Great article. I’ve been thinking of you a lot with the 10th anniversary coming up. I, too, am fed up with all the petty bickering and lack of coming together from lessons we should have learned from 911. Jim would be so proud of you, for your courage, and for all your efforts to carve a worthwhile, positive life out of the wreckage. You are my role model for coping with loss. Love you.
Hi Nikki, I, too, have been thinking of you as this anniversary approaches. Thank you for sharing your wise insights with us and enriching us with that touching video of Silhouette. I completely agree with your eloquently stated thoughts and hope that this anniversary reminds us to stand together instead of fall apart. Many blessings to you tomorrow and every day.
Such wonderful insights Nikki. I know you said you weren’t going to be in NY today, so i am wishing you a peaceful day with a peaceful heart.
marlene/trilogy
As a minister, it was my task to write a sermon for Sunday after 9/11. It was one among the most challenging I was ever to write. What I would have hoped would happen here in the U.S. did not, and so I believe it is critical to remember what actually did happen in the aftermath of 9/11, when the world rose to comfort us and stood in solidarity with us. We would do well to remember how we squandered that generosity and allowed our nation to be driven into the arms of fearmongers and those who capitalize on fear. As we experience the continuing rise in intolerance, intentional ignorance and bigotry in our culture we might question if that very “us versus them” mentality is not the first step in taking down an entire culture by turning us against one another. Some of us, like you who paid so dearly, do our best to opt out of that way of thinking. It’s a great honor to know you Nikki.
A well done piece that has a lot of weight to it in my book. I think everyone should read something like this and experience the true effects of the Bush -Cheney war on terrorism, which might have just been a war on us.
I enjoy learning about your viewpoints, perhaps because they impart a sense of comradery amid a communal struggle. As we all learn to cope with personal and public challenges effectively and productively, it can become difficult to develop (and trust) an instinctive and/or self-monitored approach. I appreciate your forthrightness and leadership, and your willingness to allow others to benefit from your experiences.