I’m leery of generalizations chiefly because I’ve found so many exceptions. Still, it’s hard to look at certain kinds of behavior as reported in the news and not think, “Not again!” or even”WTF?”
In India, it’s become so difficult for women to commute to work without getting groped, hassled, or hit on; the government has added women-only commuter trains in the country’s four largest cities. Two-thirds of Egyptian menadmit to harassing women. And in democratic Israel, ultra-Orthodox “modesty patrols” have attacked, beaten and stoned women they deemed unchaste. Note these are all democracies.
The very concept of women as prey drives me crazy, and so does the idea that women are at fault for being, well, women. Either we end up with epidemic sexual harassment and/or violence ag
ainst women, or we end up with social, religious, or civil laws dictating what women may or may not do, in order to protect not only the women but also the men, who cannot help but respond to the temptations offered by the presence of a female.
On my less charitable days, I find myself asking: have men no self-control?
When I posted this question on another site, I was bombarded with explanations about gender and n
ature and normal impulses and where guys locate their brains as contrasted with women. I was reminded of the female praying mantis, who allows the male to impregnate her and then kills him), or the black widow spider. Someone mentioned female stalkers.
Forget nature for a minute; I’m not talking about survival instincts, which in the animal kingdom don’t involve either malice or intent. And leave aside individuals who are likely sociopaths. Let’s talk about culture and upbringing and how we value women. Most of you reading this, male and female, will (I hope) know that attraction does not have to equal action and that men can be – and have been -brought up to understand the difference between mutual consent and unwanted advances. We might even take it for granted that if a woman gets pinched by a man in the New York subway, he’ll be pummeled to the floor.
Yet, as male elected officials continue to publicly humiliate their wives while lying about how they spend their supporters’ time and money, I have to think again about gender and power and the choices men and women make, and who they blame for their choices.
We’ve come away but we’ve away to go.
Germaine Greer and Stephen Bayley go at it over his new book, “Woman as Design” (a she says/he says i found amusing):
“Women everywhere – please send a picture of your unsupported breasts to Stephen Bayley”
http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/2009/sep/13/germaine-greer-comment-stephen-bayley
“Bayley: Why my book is not sexist”
http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/2009/sep/20/stephen-bayley-germaine-greer
Bayley is being silly, but I wouldn’t describe him as particularly dangerous. Most significantly, any woman is free to “take it or leave it” as far as his book is concerned. That’s not the case with the things happening in other parts of the world and even here.
Being a man, I really wish I could say something profound or enlightening on this issue. I have lusted after women no less than any other man but…..I never treated them less than an equal. To the contrary in fact I would have to say. And no, it wasn’t something that my parents instilled in me. Women, from my viewpoint, were in no way ever any different or any less human nor endowed with any less feeling in them me. They did however, get better body parts. And with a couple of exceptions, all my best friends have been women because I trust them more than I do a man – hands down! That’s not to imply they are all perfect but….
I just don’t understand a cultures mind-set, democratic or otherwise, that has no empathy for their fellowman (and women are a part of that “fellowman” word). Traditions are one thing….slavery and abuse – another.
Another thing that has always puzzled me is the fact that the folks usually in the forefront of advocating and fighting for women’s rights are almost always women. What’s the deal with that? It’s the men that should be more involved in fighting for those rights because it is men who have taken them away.
And the comments you fielded regarding the praying mantis, black widow and/or women stalkers is nothing more than smoke. That’s just more of the male mindset. That’s the old stereotyping approach. It’s the old, “Well, if she’s like that then they must all be like that!” Whatever it takes to justify one’s actions and keep the conscience clear and unabated.
A few comments from the dark side…. 🙂