When I woke up this morning, I noticed I had the usual aches and pains, along with arms, legs, a head, a torso – in short, a corporal presence. This indicated to me that I had not been swept into a large black hole inadvertently caused by Large Hadron Collider. Notwithstanding the infinitesimally small chance this would have happened, some Internet wags have been having fun predicting the end of the world. Well, the super-sized particle accelerator went live today somewhere near the French-Swiss border, which is six or seven hours ahead of us. Since I woke up at seven AM, I figured I was safe. Now it’s 1 PM and I’m still here.
My first thought was, “Thank goodness.” My second thought was, “Damn, I have to go through another 9/11.”
It’s been seven years since my husband was killed by an airplane commandeered by terrorists and flown into one of two World Trade Center buildings in Lower Manhattan and I still haven’t sorted out the shock, the violence, the grief and the historical significance of the event. I try to keep the public and private aspects of my experience separate like a good reporter who happens to get shot while covering a shooting war. I’d like to look at how the event affected Americans and U.S. policy and events that unfolded afterwards without circling back to my personal loss but I don’t know if I ever could, even if anyone could ever let me. This was a public death and while there are days when I have to strain to recall the day my father or my mother died, I will always know when my husband was killed, just as I will never know the exact circumstances.
So what should we do on September 11th? I never know what to say when I’m asked but here are some thoughts: Read up on the event or attend a lecture or discussion. Perform an act of kindness or charity. Engage yourself in the world. Count your blessings. Hug your kids – or someone else’s. Contact your friends. Appreciate the moment. Reflect on the meaning of life. Practice tolerance. Stay calm.
It’s as good a set of activities as any I can think of, not only for 9/11 but for any and every other day of the year.
1 Woman' s Vu by Nikki Stern 
As always, my thoughts will be with you again this year. I just wish the media could make it easier for you. Also, I hope in this election year, that the tragic events of that day are not exploited by the candidates for the “good” of their campaigns.
I’m going to take your advice tomorrow and count my blessings, appreciate the moment, be tolerant and calm, hug my godsons…and hug my friends this weekend! I can’t wait to see you! You’ll be in my thoughts tomorrow – as always!
Nikki, your beautiful words are such a gift to all of us who cherish your writing (and you). My birthday is 9/11, and before the terrorists attacks, I used to approach that day with the dread of getting older. Now I think of 9/11 as an exceptionally holy day, where your suggestions to reflect on the meaning of life, do something kind, hug your children, and appreciate the moment are exactly what I have been focusing on for the last 7 years. I think of you and Jim constantly, not just on 9/11, but throughout the entire year. The tremendous suffering caused by the brutal attacks are still beyond comprehension.
You’re in my thoughts always, but especially today. We miss you…we talk about you all the time, wondering when will we get to see you?! Send you and le pooch much love and a big hug, a glass of wine, sushi and doggie treats.
Nikki, Here here on what my eloquent wife said. A big hug from me, her other half.
E.
Nikki,
As every year you are in my thoughts and prayers at this time. I can’t imagine the agony of trying to grieve in your own, private way but also having to share that with a nation. I know that for you personally the many reminders in the press, etc. at this time of year make it harder. But to you I say keep your chin up, give Molly lots of hugs and kisses (and get them in return)& turn to your dear friends (one of whom I consider myself). We are all here for you if you need us.
Carrie
p.s. I will be giving my kids lots of hugs today and in honor of Jim, and of you, my friend, I’m going to count my blessings over and over.
Nikki
Thanks for your thoughts today. Your stand for the world, your grappling with making sense of your loss, coupled with your openness and sense of humour and are always an inspiration to me. Thanks for who you are. love Jane
As usual you put your finger on what we are all struggling with this day while sharing insight into your own private pain. Please keep writing and I”ll keep marveling at your strength and clarity. 9/11 is what brought you into my life so that’s what I will be grateful for today.
Nikki, As always I am astounded by your strength and grace. I deeply appreciate your inspiring thoughts here and will be thinking of you and counting you among my many blessing. Love, Katy
Nikki,
As always you are in my thoughts and prayers. More so today.
You are a strong, brave wonderful woman who is full of beauty and grace.
Nikki,
I happened upon your site almost by accident, but I will be back again. I can’t even begin to imagine your pain, but you will most definitely be in my thoughts and in my prayers. You are indeed a strong and brave woman and I know that from now on whenever I think of that day in September I will think of you.